I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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