i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.