you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
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his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
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You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.