Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
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I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.