I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
