just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....