oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy