I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
