you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
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Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
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He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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