Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
