So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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