I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize