her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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