When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
