it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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