Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
