The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
