im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
