I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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