just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
