so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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