clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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