ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
