At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
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I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
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I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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