Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
