Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
