people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
