Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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