Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
