if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
