Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
When are your genitals available?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
