I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
