just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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