Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
