Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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