I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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