I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
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Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
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I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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