8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize