Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
