Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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