does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Your dad touched me again.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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