I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
