her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize