I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
