No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
