He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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