the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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