I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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