I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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