cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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