You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
