1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
