ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
