One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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