I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
