so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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