Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
it glows. i had to have it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
