I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
