she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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