I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
