Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
