Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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