dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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