Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
