I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
