i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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