you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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