I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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