You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
