The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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