I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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