I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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