Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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