Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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