I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
